Blessings

As i sit in my dorm room its the last day i have with my roommates. These last couple of days God has been rocking my world. I've realized how much i've been blessed while here at Wayne. I've been given two amazing roommates who love God and have pushed me to be better in my walk and who i've had some amazing laughs and crys with. I will miss them like crazy.

I've been given a best friend who love Jesus and who is constantly pushing me to be better in my walk, who will give me tough love when i need it, who is always a phone call away when i've been having a bad day, and will just sit there when i need to cry. I've been blessed to see her grow in her walk and realize that I am blessed her call her my best friend and my sister. She has seen me laugh so much that i've almost cried and she has seen me at my worst yet has never given up on me. She is my best friend and has shown me that trust is real and people won't always leave.

I was given four amazing guy friends this year who have just blessed me so much. I've never have laughed so much when i'm with them. I thank God for them in my life and they are great and I pray that they will find Jesus.

I was given a teacher who showed me what it means to really have empathy for people. He has shown me numerous things and God has just shown up in his life this year and all the years i've had him. I remember sitting in his class my sophomore year and hating him and thinking that he was so unprofessional because he dropped the f bomb all the time. Well here comes my second year and he is my favorite professor on campus. Crazy how God can change your hear. It was in his class that I got my calling to work with inner city kids. I remember sitting there one day and him talking about youth and how they have no hope because they don't have anybody who loves them and my heart and mind going they need Jesus and God telling me I would be working with youth like them some day. Last summer i had the amazing chance to go to the Inner City of LA and seeing God show up there and changing my heart. I told this professor that it was in his class i got the calling and he told me that he believes where God wants you is the most amazing place to be and to follow my dreams and desires as long as they line up with Gods. I've had many conversations with this professor about my life and his life and I pray that someday he will be in heaven with me and all my christian friends.

This professor has shown me nothing but love and mercy. When i took my last final with him he walked me out and told me that he would miss me and that he would always remember me and that i've set the record to how many classes somebody has taken with him. I will miss him dearly and he has told me to write a book about my life, Dr. Greene you are the one who should write about your life. You have a story nobody could ever imagine. Thank you for who you are and what you are doing here at Wayne State. Keep changing students lives.

Then you have all my Cru friends. you have never given up on me. When times are tough and i want to pull away you bring me back to Christ and i thank you for that. I don't know what i would do without you guys. I will miss you all like crazy!

Kingsley! Oh emily you mean so much to me and i thank God for putting you in my life when i needed you the most! You have helped me so much and thank you.

To all my Wayne State friends i will miss you and I thank God for you and you have all had a special place in my heart. Mostly God has blessed me with some amazing people and my prayer is that you all realize that.

Wayne

Oh Wayne State, we have a bitter sweet relationship. You have been a great place for me to grow in my faith, yet at the same time i feel like i'm comfortable. God has blessed me so much with Wayne I've meet my best friend Kristen who has been there for me know matter what and has heard me confess sins that i've never confessed to people before, been there for me to cry, and mostly we have had many laughs together. As i sit here and realize that I only have two weeks left my heart is breaking.

There are so many things i'm going to miss about Wayne. The way I have a great community, my best friend, laughter, memories. Yet i'm ready to see what God has for me, yet I hate good byes. I have two roommates who are amazing and I dont know if there will ever be roommates who will be able to compare to them. They are two women of God who love the Lord and challenge me in amazing ways, we have had some great laughs, and we have had serious conversations, and also have had tension yet God has worked on that room in amazing ways.

I'm going to miss Wayne, I know I've said I hate it but i loved all the years i've had there and God had there for me a reason and right now it's time to leave and honestly my heart is breaking and I'm excited for Grace but I will miss Wayne.

For all the people who have helped me through all the hard and good times at Wayne I will miss you like crazy.

School

So this year of school has been really hard emotionally and spiritually. Im not a big fan of school and most of the time i just want to check out and say peace out Wayne, yet God wont allow me to or if He is im being stubborn and wont see it. See I use to love Wayne i use to love being there and seeing my friends and seeing what God was doing in there life well for some reason this year has changed a lot. I love Wayne and I love my friends but stuff is just different. I cant stand being there for to long I love to come home now and not only because I get to see my family but i get to go to the place where I feel like God is calling me to well for this summer. Its called Abide and i'm doing a summer leadership course with them called Spearhead and I know God is calling me there. I just want to be there and I dont know if its me wanting to just run from school and go do ministry or what it is but im ready for school to be done.

School has never been my thing. I've always been one of those people who learns outside of the classroom. I've learned more about life while I was in LA and while I've done things in Omaha then I ever have in the classroom. I've learned more about empathy and what it takes to be a good counselor outside of the classroom than i have ever learned in my classes for my counseling major. I want to be done with school and following God. I want to be more like Jesus and yes i can do that in Wayne but i feel like Wayne sucks life out of you sometimes. Im ready to be done!! I've prayed about and people have been praying for me and I just wish i had a peace about one of the two because honestly my heart is torn and I know God is working and I need to be praising Him for all that is going on and honestly I am because He is teaching me to cling to Him more and that I need to realize how amazing community is. So just be in prayer for me about what i need to do. I only have a year left and honestly it would be pointless to drop out and not finish school but I want to be happy and to follow God so i really dont know. So hopefully God will show me what He wants and He will show me how to be happy in the times when all i want to do is pout and have people feel sorry for me.

Thats not what I want. Truth be told what I want is prayer for God to show me His will and that my flesh would get out of that and that I would be obedient. I need more of Him and less of Me.

God Bless

Jesus Christ

I don't want this candy coated Jesus Christ that America is showing me. What I want is the real Jesus. The Jesus who came to this earth as a man. Who cared for the sick, the fatherless, the widows, and was the healer. That is the Jesus I want. I want to have faith like my creator. I dont want the faith that America is telling me to have. The faith where i still live for Jesus but i still live to pursue the american dream. NO!! That is not what i want. I want to live for Jesus and live like Him! Why have we made Christianity so much about ourselves and not about Him? When did we stop living for Him and start living for worldly things? We say we want to be like Jesus but are we really striving to be like Jesus or are we just not looking like the world? The Jesus that I live for is a Jesus who came to save me. But He also came so i can live for Him and live like Him. I dont know if that is the Jesus you serve but that is the Jesus that i want to serve. So that is my rant.

Peace

Love

The more i keep falling in love with Jesus the more i learn about His heart. I love Jesus with all that is inside of me and because of that i have learned that I also need to love. I can't just sit back and see that I have brothers and sisters who are in need. I need to love them and take care of them. That is what a family is. God taught us to pray our Father and to me what that means that I have a new family that family is my brothers and sisters in Christ. That means that i should take care of them, love them, and pray for them. Just because we arent related by "blood" we are related by the blood of Christ. That means that i should love them more and more daily.

If my brother and sister or mom and dad were in need i would drop everything to go by there side and take care of them and to pray that God would heal them. Why don't we do that for are brothers and sisters in Christ. Why don't we love them the same when are brothers and sisters in Christ are in need. We are called to love like Christ. We are called to hold what we have learned from the bible and take it to heart. We are to act like Christ. 1 John 3:16 says this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. So my final question is are you willing to lay down your life for you brothers and sisters in Christ. Are you willing to walk like Christ and to do what He did? Because that is what He has called us to do.

1 John 2:3-6 says this. We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him. Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. Well those verses i believe speak alot of truth. How can we claim to be "Christians" if we dont care for our brothers and sister, if we don't love are neighbor as ourself. Isn't that one of the commandments Jesus gave us. Matthew 28:39 Jesus says And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' If we claim to have Jesus in our hearts and souls we will LOVE!! Love is the greatest commandment Jesus gave us.

So love people like yourself and mostly see Jesus in them. Love them because Jesus has called you to that. Don't look down on people. Love them like Jesus. You will have many blessings in your life. Jesus gave us His life so the only thing we can give Him is our life and to love people the way He has called us to

Matthew 4:19-22

These verses are short yet speak so much truth. Jesus saw Peter and Andrew and says "Come follow me and I will make you fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed Jesus. Then as they were walking Jesus saw James and John and called them and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed Jesus.

As Christians we are called to live by the living and breathing word the Holy Bible that is are guide to how we are to live. In James 1:22-24 it says Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. I read these verses and get convicted. I read them over and over and i think about how many times Jesus has told me to come and follow Him and i say i have other things to do. I have school, friends, family, and other things that take up my time. Yet the disciples had no idea who this man was yet they had faith. They stopped what they were doing to follow Him. Do we do that? If Jesus was to whisper to you tonight stop what you are doing and follow me. Would you do it? Would you stop school, friendships, family and have faith that know matter what is going on in your life Jesus will take care of it?

As Christians are we willing like Jesus says in Luke 9:23 The he said to them all:"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." Are we willing to deny ourselves before our Heavenly Father and take up the cross? Are we willing to actually be like Jesus instead of reading the word because we are told that is what a "good Christian" does but yet read it because WE WANT TO BE LIKE JESUS? Are we willing to pray and ask God to shake are life up and ruin it and be more like Him and less like the world?

In Luke 9:62 Jesus says "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." We aren't called to be comfortable we are called to be uncomfortable. We are called to serve God and listen to His voice and do what He tells us to do.

Are we willing to actually say to God im ready to follow you know matter what. I'm willing to do deny myself and take up the cross, i'm willing to sell everything i own and give to the poor, i'm ready to listen to this voice that keeps telling me to leave school, leave my friends and family and have faith that you are going to take care of me? As Christians we aren't called to just sit in are church pews and be comfortable. We are called to get out of the church pews and be uncomfortable.

Are you a Christian who loves what Jesus has done for you or you a Christian who loves Jesus and wants to do everything to actually follow Him. And that means daily to strive to be like Him? Stop and think about that question. Are you really ready to live a "Radical" life? Are you willing to give up everything so you can have Christ live inside of you and to show you who He wants you to be? Christ doesn't just want us to say a prayer and boom we are done. He wants us to be like Him. He wants us to live like Him to strive to be like Him. We are called to be like Christ. Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to stop being comfortable and start being uncomfortable?

Haiti

So i'm back in the states after spending 6 amazing days in a beautiful yet broken country. Lets just say i'm not the same after those 6 days. God totally broke me down, ruined me, and showed me what it means to be a Christian. Sorry that this is so long.

I will give you guys a list of what we all did. Thursday we got to Miami and that is where we meet everybody. There were 16 of us in total and it was a great group to say the least. I only had meet one person out of the whole group so it was kinda hard but at the end we all became a family. So thursday night everybody came in and we ate and did orintation and found out what we would all be doing and what time we needed to be up and ready to leave for the airport on friday.

So then we went to bed and friday came. We had to be out the door by 450 so we could get to the airport (thats really early). So we get to the airport and I'm not feeling good i mean im so nervous that i almost threw up. I have never left the country on a mission trip before, i dont know anybody and i just dont feel adequate to do this. But as we get on the plane and we are flying i just pray for peace and i didnt get it but thats okay. But what i did get was an amazing conversation with my friend James and Greg. We talked about Christians, the Church, my struggles, there struggles and what God has called us to. As im talking to James and Greg and what i've been going through this year at school and just really feeling broken James prays for me. It was amazing. On the flight he asked me why do i have issues with the church and with other christians in my life. I still can't answer the question fully im still figuring it out for my self.

We then land in Port-au-prince. Crazy i was thinking holy crap im in Haiti!!! We had to go through customs, immigration and all that stuff. After that we got on a bus and rode it for 2 hrs to the place we would be staying at. I was still really nervous and just didn't know what to think. I tried to take everything that i saw in. I can't even explain in words to what i saw. It was so bad. I mean it was literally a broken town. I couldnt talk to anybody on the bus because i was so nervous and so stressed. I just didn't know what to say. I felt like if i actually told people how i felt that they would be like then why did you come. I mean i then realized i really needed to say what i felt and tell people and figure it out for myself.

So we then go to St.Marc amazing place. We were staying at a base that is ran by Youth with a mission. Beautiful facility. We ate lunch then toured the city. After that we then got to our rooms and unloaded everything and walked around the town. It was amazing being able to just walk around St. Marc and hear the history about the town and what God has been doing. At the same time it broke my heart. I see these things and was thinking about what i had at home and then it hit me that this is all the Haitians know and all that is know is America unless i go to these places. We then had a team meeting to talk about the week and had some questions that we wanted to talk about and stuff like that.

Saturday came and we went to a part of St. Marc where YWAM is building houses and we started to build a house. It was so much fun. There were alot of little kids lets just say i played and held the kids more than trying to build the house. Woops. haha. the kids there are so amazing. They are so loving and so kind and just want to be held and showered with love. so all in all it was an amazing day. the kids tugged at my heart, we were able to get the house all built with the cement blocks, bonding happened and openness happened. So that night we had are nightly meeting and we all just kinda got open. We shared issues that we were having back home, we shared are highs for the day and we just became a family. That night i was able to talk to two people about what was going on in my life and they both really encouraged me to look at myself and what God wants from me instead of trying to do things to please other people.

Sunday was different. Because Church is very big in haiti we werent able to do any ministry so instead we went for a hike. The hike was beautiful yet hard. I'm not one who is in shape so it was very stressfull on my body but the biggest blessing was the people on the trip with me were so encouraging. They wouldnt leave me and were like Lauren take a break if you need to. It meant alot to me. I finally got the top and i just felt God. The city was amazing from the top of the mountain and just being able to see His creation was amazing. Then we went to the beach. I went into the water a couple of times but otherwise i just sat on the sand and thought about life and what i was doing and what God wanted from me. We then went back to the base and helped with Childrens church. that was a struggle but it was a huge blessing at the same time. I held a girl the entire time and she feel asleep and it was just a blessing. Then as i was leaving a little girl came up and held my hand and when i told her it was time to go because i had to go to church and she had to leave she jumped up into my arms and just gave me the biggest hug and it melted my heart. I just wanted to keep holding her and not leave. Then it was time for church. It was a different. they didnt have a sermon because Discipleship training school was graduating so they had that instead. It was really cool to see that and how God was using them. Then we had are meeting again and more openness came and more prayer and it was just really awesome to see how God was breaking us all down and using us.

Monday came and this was a different day. Instead of being at the house and helping build it i was in tent city for the first part of the day painting the doors and shutters and everything else. It was me 3 other girls and a guy. At 10:30 roy who was in charge of us said that we could go walk around and have 30 min to play with the kids. I should have told him if you send 4 girls off to play with little kids for 30 min it will end up being longer. I held a baby for 40 min and tried to put her back in her little crib that was actually a bowl with pillows. she started crying and i couldnt do it i couldnt put her back so kept holding her. When she finally did leave me i felt like crying because i was like how often does she actually get love and get held and it broke me. So we actually spent and hour and half with the babies. WOOPS. So we then went to the other site to eat lunch. I stayed there for the rest of the day and that was a hard day. We shoveled rocks into buckets moved the buckets and shoveled gravel into buckets and moved the buckets. My body hurt after that. But all in all it was a great day. That night we had another meeting and once again we just got closer and closer.

Tuesday are finally full day of doing work. This was a great day. We just moved rocks and stuff. But me i played with the kids and just help them and loved on them. I felt bad but there wasn't alot of manuel labor for me to do so i told myself it was okay. One girl who i feel in love with was there and i just held her. Her name is Fafa. She is adorable. It was just awesome being able to hold her and see her smile and be happy. We walked around together and she wouldnt let me walk anywhere without holding her hand. It just broke me. At 330 we were able to dedicate the house that we built and we prayed for the family, and the house. Then we went to distribute the donations. It was hard to watch but at the same time a blessing. I got see Fafa again and hold her and love her. But when it was time to leave i litterally broke down. I realized that i was never going to see these kids again but it was a huge blessing to have them and to hold them and to just love on them.

So there is my week in Haiti. I was blessed to be there, blessed to serve God there and i learned alot. Thanks for prayers and for everything.

Love

Lauren